


Harry Potter Tumblr Oneshots

by Geekygirl24



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: James Potter Lives, Lily Evans Potter & Severus Snape Friendship, Lily Evans Potter Lives, Muggle Culture, Multi, Not Harry Potter and the Cursed Child Compliant, Remus Lupin & Lily Evans Potter Friendship, Sirius Black & James Potter Friendship
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-01
Updated: 2019-06-11
Packaged: 2019-06-20 03:48:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,374
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15525390
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Geekygirl24/pseuds/Geekygirl24
Summary: A series of Harry Potter oneshots inspired by Tumblr posts/artChapter 1: Mugglebornheadcanons - Abracadabra or Avarda Kedavra?Chapter 2:  transfigurationprodigy - There's no need to call me sir t-shirts.Chapter 3: Unknown, aenramsden and siriusly-not-over-remus. - Rita Skeeter and fake newsChapter 4: captainevilpants: Mary Poppins was a witch at Hogwart





	1. Abracadabra or Avarda Kedavra?

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by @mugglebornheadcanon  
> Abracadabra or Avada Kedavra? – I decided to make it a Maruaders era fic

Twirling a strand of red hair in between her fingers, Lily dutifully took as many notes as she could as Professor Flitwick droned on, his squeaky voice echoing throughout the room.

 

But he wasn’t quite loud enough to drown out the sound of Dumb and Dumber muttering something behind her.

 

“…. Red paint…… dungeons…. Snivellus….”

 

Her grip on her quill tightened as she picked up the occasional word from them. It wasn’t hard to put the pieces together.

 

Children, all four of them acted like bloody children!

 

No, she needed to be fair… Remus was often the voice of reason in that group, and Peter just went along with them… but Potter and Black were the worst.

 

The absolute worst.

 

Desperately, she tried to turn her attention away from them and focus on what the Professor was lecturing about… which was probably a good thing as he turned his attention to her.

 

“Now, Professor Dumbledore is very interested in us getting to know how the Muggles see magic and spells, so I was wondering Miss Evans, may we ask a few questions about your life before Hogwarts?”

 

As a relatively well-known Muggle-born, Lily wasn’t surprised that the question had been directed at her. Ignoring how the majority of the Slytherins mumbled something under their breaths, she straightened up and tried answer the question as coherently as she could.

 

“Well, magic is really only used in our stories Professor, and it’s nothing like what’s taught.”

 

“Are there incantations though?”

 

She nodded, “Oh yeah, but they’re a little bit silly, things like Bibbidy, bobbidy boo, alakazam, open sesame, abracadabra and- “

 

She stopped suddenly, gasping as the sound of chairs scraping backwards echoed throughout the room. When she glanced around, she noticed that a good half of the class had suddenly ducked down underneath their desks… even Professor Flitwick looked a little bit stunned.

 

A tense silence filled the room, before Sirius finally summoned up enough courage and popped his head over the top of his desk, a frown on his face.

 

“Merlin’s Beard Evans!” he exclaimed, his face slightly pale, “Nearly give us a heart attack why don’t you?”

 

“Yeah!” Potter agreed, “I know you don’t like us, but to try and kill us?!”

 

Lily frowned in confusion… and then she heard something laughing.

 

Clutching at his mid-section, Remus was laughing, eyes squeezed shut in his mirth and a wide grin on his face. “She-she-she- “ he had to take a deep breath to try and calm down, “… she didn’t say the Killing curse!”

 

Black and Potter frowned, “What are you talking about?”

 

“She didn’t say the Killing Curse. She said Ab-ra-ca-dab-ra….” Remus still looked like he was going to wet himself in laughter, “…. It’s a made-up spell in Muggle stories, it d-d-doesn’t do anything!”

 

The other students who had been exposes to the muggle world, started to laugh as well…. It was probably the only time they could get one over on the Purebloods.

 

“Oh….” Black was obviously flushing at the slight humiliation, whereas Potter looked a little bit angry, “…. Well, we knew that, didn’t we James?”

 

The anger vanished, and James shrugged as though he didn’t even care, “Yeah, course we did. It bought us a little bit of time away from the lesson didn’t it?”

 

It was the worst lying ever, but Lily let it go… for the time being.

 

The lesson continued on as usual (although Professor Flitwick did look a little shaken), and before Lily knew it, it was time to head to her Potions class.

 

Ignoring how Potter tried to get her attention, she practically ran to class, taking her usual seat next to Severus…. And then settling down for the long wait that would pass before Slughorn would make an appearance.

 

“Severus…” she whispered, mindful of the Marauders presence not too far behind them, “… want to hear about how I made Potter and Black squeal like little girls?”

 

Severus’s smile was all the answer she needed.


	2. There's No Need To Call Me Sir

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by transfigurationprodigy
> 
> There’s no need to call me sir t-shirts.

“… and his exact words were… ‘There’s no need to call me Sir, Professor’” Lily sent a quick glare at James, who was clearly trying not to snigger, before she continued, “Understandably, Professor Snape has insisted on punishment, and the writing of this letter. He may find it not harsh enough for his liking, however, as the Head of Harry’s House, it is my duty to inform you. Yours Sincerely, Professor Minerva McGonagall.”

 

There was a brief moment of silence, before both Lily and James glanced at each other… and burst out laughing.

 

“Poor Severus…” Lily giggled, “… he just gets rid of you, and he’s got Harry to contend with.”

 

“Sirius needs to hear about this!” James was still laughing, moving over to the fireplace, “This is the proudest moment of my life!”

 

“Oh, so when he was born, walked for the first time, got his letter to Hogwarts…. None of those matter?” Lily smirked as James clearly ignored her, already sticking his head into the fireplace to talk to Sirius.

 

It didn’t take long, before James re-emerged, a beaming grin on his face. “Sirius is on his way… we need to send Howler to Harry. Lure Sni- Snape into a false sense of security, make him think that Harry’s going to get into trouble, and then it’s just us congratulating him!”

 

“Or…” Lily sent him a wicked smirk, “… we could do something else?”

 

“… I’m listening, oh gorgeous wife of mine?”

 

…………………………………………………………………………………………

 

“Nothing.” Harry muttered as the flow of owls carrying the morning post slowed to one or two, with no sign of Hedwig anywhere, “Still nothing… Professor McGonagall said she’d written them a letter though?”

 

“I don’t know why you’re so worried mate…” Ron chuckled, buttering up another piece of toast, “… My mum never hesitates to send me a Howler. Maybe yours found it funny? McGonagall did, you could tell… maybe she never sent the letter?”

 

“Professor McGonagall isn’t the type to do that.” Harry practically slammed his head down on the table, “They’re doing this on purpose… they’re making me sweat before the Christmas holidays, and then they’re really going to let me have it.”

 

As Harry fretted, teeth nibbling on his bottom lip, Hermione noticed something very interesting…. Professor McGonagall and Professor Lupin had both received packages from a pair of very familiar owls.

 

Both smirked at the note attached, before shielding them from the other Professors… it was all rather suspicious.

 

………………………………………………………………..

 

The week before Hogwarts broke up for the Christmas holidays, another Quidditch match was scheduled.

 

More specifically, another Gryffindor vs Slytherin match… with Snape’s guaranteed appearance.

 

And because Harry was the star player for Gryffindor, it was guaranteed that his parents would be there too, along with Uncle Sirius.

 

He could see them as he flew past, eyes constantly keep a look-out for the snitch, only briefly glancing over the family.

 

They didn’t seem angry with him.

 

Suddenly spotting the snitch out of the corner of his eyes, he dived straight for it, catching it in his gloved hands as everyone cheered and whooped in glee.

 

“Harry Potter catches the snitch!” Lee Jordan announced, “Gryffindor win by over 60 points and- HAHAHAHAHAHA!”

 

At Lee’s sudden cackle, everyone turned their attention to the teacher’s podium, where four familiar figures were standing up.

 

James, Lily, Sirius and Remus were on their feet, clapping at the victory for Gryffindor… but it was the t-shirts that caught everyone’s attention.

 

Written on the t-shirts, was the phrase ‘There’s no need to call me Sir, Professor’. Through impressive charms, clearly Lily’s work, the text on the shirts were colour-changing and glowing, making them impossible to miss.

 

Lee couldn’t comment on it due to him laughing too hard.

 

Snape had stormed away already, pushing past Professor McGonagall as his face burned with the humiliation.

 

What he failed to notice however… was the slight glow coming from underneath the Gryffindor Professors’ robes.


	3. Fake News

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tumblr post from Unknown, aenramsden and siriusly-not-over-remus.
> 
> Rita Skeeters fall from fame.

Morning without the children was…. Strange.

 

Quiet.

 

Boring.

 

Now that Lily had gone to Hogwarts for her first year, Harry and Ginny could safely say that they were suffering from ‘empty nest syndrome’, no matter how mild a case.

 

Now they understood why Molly Weasley kept visiting almost every other day after him and Ginny had moved in together.

 

So, they had to come up with a new way to entertain themselves.

 

“Apparently we’re getting a divorce dear.” Harry spoke up just as Ginny entered the kitchen, smirking behind his mug as she turned and rolled her eyes and what he was reading.

 

“… Is it because I was snogging Neville?”

 

“No… because I was.”

 

In the dramatic performance of a lifetime (the twins had taught her well), Ginny slammed her own mug of tea onto the table and glared at her husband, “Will you just let me have my affair in peace Harry?!”

 

There was a brief moment of silence, before the pair suddenly burst out laughing, tears practically running down their faces as they struggled to breathe.

 

“How has she actually gotten worse?!” Harry finally managed to gasp out, “How? Forget that, where did she get the idea that I’ve been snogging Neville in the first place?”

 

Ginny raised an eyebrow and smirked, “You do visit Hogwarts a lot. Something you want to tell me?”

 

“Neville is raising a Devil’s Snare in his greenhouse… no offense to him, but I’m not going near that.”

 

It was clear that Ginny wanted to make other comments about that, but thankfully resisted the urge. Probably a good thing if she was going to say what Harry though she was going to say.

 

“Should we be worried about the children?” Ginny eventually managed to calm down, a look of concern flashing across her face, “I mean, what must they thin about all this? What if they believe it?”

 

“Ginny, Ginny, don’t worry… we taught them one of the most important things in their lives. Rita Skeeter can never be believed and must be made fun of at all opportunities.”

 

…………………………………………………………………………………

 

It wasn’t hard to spot the eyes on them.

 

Not that people didn’t stare anyway, it came with being the son of Harry Potter and then being sorted in Slytherin.

 

Albus sighed wearily, nudging Scorpius in the side, causing the other boy to choke slightly on his toast.

 

“What?” 

 

“Notice anything unusual today?”

 

Scorpius glanced around, before shrugging, “Oh yeah, it’s probably because your Dad is getting a divorce from your Mum, so that he can pursue his true love… my Dad. Or was it Professor Longbottom?”

 

Albus was seconds away from asking that in Merlin’s beard his friend was talking about…. Until he spotted the newspaper article and the writer of it.

 

Rita Skeeter.

 

“Oh…” Albus frowned, “… I thought the article was going to be about your mum leaving Draco for my mum? That’s what Dad said they were trying to make it about when him and mum were going into London.”

 

“I can’t believe they talk about stuff like that in public, just to wind Skeeter up… besides, look at the next article. Your Mum’s with Aunt Luna at the moment. My Mum wouldn’t dream of breaking up such a happy family.”

 

“My mistake. Pass the pumpkin juice will you?”


	4. Mary Poppins

Based on Tumblr post by captainevilpants: Mary Poppins was a witch at Hogwart

………………………………………………………………………………….

 

Albus groaned as he felt sharp pokes to his side. “Leave me alone.” He muttered, “Not morning yet.”

 

Another vicious poke, “Albus. Up please.”

 

Mary.

 

What in Merlin’s name?

 

Rolling over, Albus was about to yelp at the sight of his best friend, only stopping when she cast a wandless Silencio on him, her usual calm expression on her face. When she was sure that he wasn’t going to cry out and alert the other boys in the dorm, she removed the spell.

 

“What are you doing?” he hissed, words broken off by a long yawn, “You can’t be in here!”

 

Mary just raised an eyebrow at him, “I was fancying something a little sweet. Care to join me?”

 

Albus rolled over, fully intending to bury himself deeper into the blankets and fall asleep.

 

“Albus…” she poked him again, “…. We’re going to the kitchen.”

 

“We? We have to set a good example, not sneak out in the middle of the night!”

 

But Mary hadn’t appeared to have heard him, summoning Albus’s clothes out of the drawer and flinging them at him. She had a one-track mind, and Albus knew there was no point in arguing with her.

 

Unwillingly, he rolled out of bed.

 

“Chop, chop!” She strode out of the room, “Let’s go!”

 

………………………………………………………………………………………………..

 

“You know how you want to teach someday?” Albus asked, as they snuck through the corridors, “You’ll need to stop this, and actually set a good example.”

 

Mary ignored him, easily finding the entrance to the kitchen and going inside.

 

“And why did I have to come with you anyway?”

 

“I just thought, with all the new responsibilities and our exams, this was the last bit of time we would be able to spend together… outside of prefect duties of course.”

 

Albus frowned, “We- we can still be friends. There are plenty of things for us to do before we graduate. And afterwards, we can both work here!”

 

Raising an eyebrow, Mary smirked, “Are you sure you really want to work with me?”

 

“I can think of nothing more perfect.”

 

……………………………………………………………………………………….

 

Several decades later, one year away from retiring and focusing fully on the prospect of becoming a full-time nanny, Mary knocked on a very ordinary door, in the middle of a very ordinary neighbourhood.

 

When the door opened up, she smiled at the red-head standing there, a young boy standing behind her nervously.

 

“Lily Evans?”

 

…………………………………………………………………….

 

“So, your name is Mary Poppins?!” Lily beamed, practically bouncing up and down in excitement, “Like the nanny from the film?”

 

“Ah, yes.” Mary smiled fondly, “Walt. He was expelled from Ilvermorny, the American wizarding school, for charming cameras and making the photographs move. A bit of an odd duck, but he was nothing compared to Wonka. He has his own film you know.”

 

“Willy Wonka is a wizard?”

 

“Oh yes.” Mary nodded, “Slytherin. He’s outwitted some of our top politicians for years and enjoys every moment of it.” She seemed deep in thought for a few moments, before shaking her head and beaming, “Now, about your school supplies.”


End file.
